I Need More Than a Nap

In the past, whenever I heard that a star had checked themselves into a clinic for exhaustion I thought, “Good grief. Just take a nap you big baby.” Well, I’ve experienced exhaustion and a nap isn’t going to cut it.

The move really took the wind out of my sails and while I’ve stopped falling asleep in meetings (THAT was embarrassing, especially when I agreed to something and had no clue what that was), I’m still having a difficult time wrapping my head around the past month of my life.

Moving across the country and setting up shop has been harder than I thought. Yes, I’m back in a familiar place with friends but it’s also surreal and half the time I feel as though I’m taking hallucination-enhancing drugs. Have I really been gone three years? Was LA just a dream? What is going on???

I wanted to spend the weekend celebrating this country and being grateful for the freedoms I have. Instead, I’ve done nothing but sleep.

In an attempt to NOT being depressing or depressed, I’m remembering “the good ole days”. Do you see me? I’m the miniature version of Betsy Ross in the front… hadn’t perfected my crowd-waving skills yet. Can’t quite be sure if this was the July 4, 1976, parade when I lived in Massachusetts or if it was a Pioneer Day (July 24) celebration. Whichever, my time on the float was clearly a day well spent. Happy Independence Day!

An Immediate Attitude Change

I arrived in DC a week ago from today and won’t have access to my apartment until July 1. I wish I could have given myself more time between ending my old job and starting my current one because being in my own place and dealing with a 3-hour time difference would have been the ideal situation. I’ve been grateful to friends who have offered spare beds and couches until I’m able to get settled.

That aside, I’ve been a huge jerk the past several days. I started my new job and have felt completely overwhelmed. It hasn’t helped that I’ve practically fallen asleep in most meetings because I’m still 3 hours off and that my predecessor, nice guy that he is, didn’t leave any instructions or guidelines AT ALL.

Because I anticipate staying late at work tonight, I checked into a hotel last night. I was placed in a room next to someone who was a loud snorer. So loud I woke up several times during the night because I thought it was either A) a sewing machine and someone constantly opening a sliding door; or B) a jack hammer. Now I know those noises are drastically different but both incredibly annoying when you’re exhausted and, apparently, hallucinating.

I thought about driving into the District but then worried if I was here until 10 pm, I wouldn’t be able to get my car out of the parking garage in my building (which closes at 7). I chose a hotel that was safe but not exactly convenient to the Metro, so it took me a half hour to walk and the humidity came back this morning with a vengeance.

By the time I got on the Metro, I was still overly tired, annoyed at all the stupid tourists who don’t know proper escalator etiquette, had sweat stains in my pits, hair already in ponytail, and was just angry. Angry that I still don’t understand my job responsibilities, angry that my computer has Windows Vista, angry that I was running late, angry that the guy who got off the Metro at the same time cut in front of me in line TWICE when trying to get on the escalator, angry that I can’t get enough sleep… angry that I was angry.

I was not in the right frame of mind to start the workday when I looked around and saw a young homeless man on the corner. DC has HUGE homeless population, many with mental and physical disabilities, and more often than not I become annoyed with their pleas for assistance. I am not proud of this.

The fellow was in a wheelchair and didn’t have much body control nor verbal skills. The masses were rushing by and as I approached him, I noticed that he was bent over, fruitlessly trying to open a can of grape soda.

I don’t know what overcame me. I saw him for the first time 2 days ago and didn’t think much at the time but this morning I knelt beside him, took the can of soda and asked, “Would you like some help opening this?” He of course couldn’t answer me so I went ahead and did it and then stupidly handed him the open can. He grunted and frantically pointed at the box of loose change and dollar bills when I noticed the straw he needed. His smile warmed my heart and I couldn’t stop the tears that came.

I don’t tell you this story to blow up my ego or to let you know what a wonderful person I am, because I am not. My first reaction was to dismiss this young man because I didn’t have any money to give. I tell you this because I believe God has a way of immediately humbling His children, showing them how each person has challenges and how much we are blessed. It was an effective lesson in taking care of your fellow man, something I need to be better in doing.

I’m not angry anymore; I am incredibly grateful.

Who Said Customer Service is Dead?

I loathe the DMV so much that when I moved to Los Angeles, I joined AAA so I wouldn’t have to go to the DMV and register my car. I think someone else taking care of that for me is one of the greatest benefits ever. Sadly, Virginia doesn’t have the same agreement so after gathering all my paperwork and getting my car inspected, I found the nearest DMV.

Good: it’s located inside a high-end mall
Bad: I got there more than an hour early and wasn’t the first person in line

I was already a bit flustered because I didn’t have a clue what the gross weight of my vehicle was. I’m thinking ‘less than an elephant but more than me’ isn’t the response they want and since the DMV is notorious for not exactly having the world’s friendliest or most competent employees, I was prepared for battle with someone like this beauty… Roz, the HR Director from Monsters, Inc.

I was ready to ask “What?” a lot since most DMV folks tend to either mumble or English isn’t their first language. I’m pretty sure I came close to failing the eye test (remember, my eye doctor told me in March that I really didn’t need glasses but I think I do) but just sort of made some noises and extended the ‘eeee’ sound because ‘d’ can sound like ‘e’, ‘v’ or ‘p’ if you don’t say it too loudly.

And are you ready for this? For security purposes, the state of Virginia does not allow you to smile in your license photo. But I’ve got beautiful teeth and smiling is my best feature!!! So of course my photo closely resembles a mug shot, but think Nicole Ritchie
not Nick Nolte

I do have some pride in my appearance. Excellent.

But let’s look at the positive: The woman who helped me couldn’t be nicer. She even asked me about life in LA and how the cross country drive was… and she really wanted to know! I’m thrilled to tell you that I got everything taken care of in about 20 minutes and it only cost a little over $100 (probably because my car is an old piece of junk). Except I couldn’t find my title (all my life’s belongings are stuffed in boxes) and I’ll have to go back to the DMV in the next 30 days. One pain in the butt down, one to go. Yeah!

Back in the Thick of Things… Almost

I knew this would happen… upon arriving in DC it would be like the last 3 years of my life were just a dream. So there’s a bit of construction on most of the roads and quite a few buildings now cover even more of the landscape but… it’s almost as though I never left. Incredibly strange. One good thing to note: DC is having an unseasonably cool spring and for that, I’m grateful. I hate showing up to my office with pit stains at 8 am.

I can’t get into my apartment until July 1, so I’m currently couch surfing. I can’t believe how many people invited me to have slumber parties until then. My friends rock. Since I’m homeless for another week, reality hasn’t set in and I have to thank my fellow Virginians for that.

What else can I say?

A Note From a Random New Mexico Gas Station

Apparently their definition of ‘clean’ is not MY definition of ‘clean’.

The outhouse I used camping was more sanitary than this.

Here’s to Yesterday and Tomorrow

A door has been closed and a window has opened for yet another ending and another beginning. Sometimes I wonder if my life will ever be “normal”. I’m guessing not and part of me grieves for that while the other part celebrates.

As I leave Los Angeles I know I’ll miss the constant smell of jasmine, my job, year-round fresh fruits and vegetables, running along the beach, the ocean breeze messing up my hair, Pinkberry, wearing shorts in December, and walking along the Santa Monica Pier.

Logically (AKA: profesionally and financially) I know what I’m doing is right. If I weren’t such an emotional person, I suppose this would be easy but I am so this isn’t. I don’t want the last three years of my life to seem like a dream; they happened so quickly. Of course I know eventually I’ll be OK.

So here’s to goodbyes and memories and hello to whatever adventures lie ahead. See you all in my next life and considering who I am, I have no doubt it will be a scream. Stay tuned…

It Has To Be Said

If the Cullen Family

had moved to Sunnydale, The Slayer

would have used Mr. Pointy

and killed them.

I read Twilight… Buffy’s better.

I Bet You Didn’t Know…

That this is what Santa does during the summer months. Doh!

I Would Like to Say ‘Thank You’

Will the person who submitted my address to Teen Vogue please stand up? I’d like to give you a high five (or swift kick to the butt) for putting me on their mailing list. Now my mailman thinks I’m a nut job idiot who’s trying to relive the 7th grade.

Of course I’m a HUGE Miley Cyrus fan so seeing her shining face in my mailbox three times this week has been pure heaven.

Yes, I’ve gotten the same issue multiple times, along with a few back issues that feature other Disney or High School Musical people on the cover just in case I wanted to catch up on burning questions such as “Can I get an STD from a toilet seat at the airport?”; “Why doesn’t yellow look good on me?”; and the ever important feature article: Acne Ruined My Prom.

What, you couldn’t have signed me up for TIME, The New Yorker or even a magazine on gardening? So muchas gracias. You know if I find out who you are, you’re going to get lots and lots of literature about, well, I don’t want to ruin the surprise.

From Slip Ups to Slippahs

I was pretending again the other day… pretending to be cool, sexy and stylish. It had been such a long time since my lies had been exposed that I wasn’t exactly surprised by the events which took exactly 4.3 seconds to betray me.

There are no stairs inside my building. If I want to talk to a co-worker on the second floor, I can take the elevator or go outside and march down a flight of stairs. Unless I’m carrying something heavy, I’ll always choose the stairs (partly because I honestly believe the elevator is possessed; and the other reason? How lazy do you have to be to take an elevator from the third to second floor?).

So I’m on my way to the mailroom and bouncing down the spiral staircase which is made entirely out of smoothed cement (my building looks like a prison).

The university is doing construction on the new library next door, so there are about 78 construction workers and 14 Port-o-Potties hovering near the staircase. Of course I’m wearing these:

You’re asking why. For superficial reasons, I assure you.

So you know what happened next, right? Boom! Boom! AUGH! Boom! Ugh! and me trying to find something to grab onto while praying that the mail I was carrying didn’t go over the staircase and hit the ground (it’s a decent distance down).

It happened in slo-mo but was over before I could really catch my breath. No blood or missing teeth, just bruised knees and an even more bruised ego… but no witnesses, so yeah!

Why am I telling you this story? Because I fell down exactly 2 days before this incident, landing on all fours, in front of the entire construction site and a priest (who I am positive wasn’t at all impressed with my language or inability to walk). Therefore, I’ve decided to change my footwear and am now exlusively wearing these to work and I really don’t care what anyone thinks:

Lest anyone be fooled again, I’ll tell you now: I am so not cool. Sexy? Meh. Stylish? Always. But cool? Absolutely not.