Big Love: What’s the big deal?
April 9, 2006
Is a show that reinforces stereotypes of polygamists harmful?
If I didn't belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon or LDS, from here on out), I would in NO WAY be interested in HBO's new series 'Big Love'. I mean, who honestly believes that a show about polygamy is fascinating? The one-hour series, which debuted last month, profiles a Utah businessman who is married to three wives and living in connected suburban homes in Sandy, Utah. The show details the joys, frustrations and complications of life in a plural marriage, including the jealousies and competition among the wives.
On Feb. 17, leaders of the LDS Church sent a letter to church leaders throughout the U.S. and Canada restating the church's position on polygamy; the letter also stated the church's offical response and containted an "authorized" response lay leaders should give if they receive local media inquires about the show.
"Polygamy was officially discontinued by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 1890. Those groups which continue the practice in Utah and elsewhere have no association whatever with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and most of their practitioners have never been among our members," the letter reads.
I get all this and I have no problem with it. Of course church leaders and its members will be sensitive about this controversial topic. Had the church not stopped its practice of polygamy with its Official Declaration in 1890, it most likely would have ceased to exists and Utah would have never become a state (that was one of the conditions the US government gave leaders in order to achieve statehood). The world has enough misconceptions about the LDS church throughout the world. I've had people ask if we still practice polygamy, why I can't eat corn on Fridays (?!?), how it feels to shave my head at a certain age (confusion with the Moonies, perhaps?), and if it would really kill me if I got drunk (it won't, but please explain to me why NOT drinking is the worst thing in the world). Of course I am bothered by this ignorance. No one seems to know LDS history or understand why certain things were done (like the trek from Illinois to Utah) and they certainly don't realize that Mormons don't practice polygamy (I mean come on… have they ever met a polygamous family?).
But despite this, my annoyance radar is not OFFICIALLY activated until members of my own faith tell me what to do. I have received about a dozen requests via email to either 1) sign a petition to remove the show; or 2) write HBO and demand that the show be removed from the air. I believe everyone has a right to do as they please, but how are you helping anyone or anything by telling me the proper way to behave?
Some of these requests were not simply pleas, but rather pseudo-commands, such as the following email I received from a former roommate: "Parodies of beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints occur- belief in priesthood by a man blessing his hunting rifle, belief in personal revelation from the Holy Ghost by dramatic visions that the polygamous leader discusses casually with a friend. Talk of 'Celestial Kingdom', 'free agency', and the 'Choose the Right' slogan are included. There is a brief disclaimer stating that the polygamists don't have an active connection with the LDS Church. But if the writers don't intend for viewers to make the connection, one wonders why they set the show in Salt Lake City, the Church's world headquarters, and why they included distortions of LDS beliefs."
Again, I have no issue with people being offended by what's on TV because trust me, there's a lot of crap out there. But has anyone who has sent me one of these messages actually seen 'Big Love'? And why do people find it necessary to tell others what should offend them?
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1.
Gordon | April 13, 2006 at 10:22 pm
Count me among those who have not yet seen an episode of “Big Love.” (If I had HBO I probably would have checked it by now to see what all the fuss is about.) So I can’t really comment about how fair or unfair the show is in representing or misrepresenting the LDS faith. But I know what Pam means about being annoyed by people who presume to impose coercive moral demands over voluntary choices in a free society. I believe that voluntary associations (including religious organizations) can and should promote or defend their moral views and public image through civil, persuasive arguments. I don’t mind changing my mind or the choices I make if I’m persuaded that it’s the right thing to do. Persuade me. But don’t try to pressure or coerce me by insinuating that I’m depraved if I fail to agree with you or decline to do what you want. The LDS Church is not, of course, the only faith community that tends to encourage overzealousness among some of its members, who sincerely believe that it is their religious duty to chastise outsiders, as well as fellow members, who exercise preferences different than their own. However sincere those who employ them might be, morally coercive tactics are typically counter-productive and often end up producing more harm than good.
2.
Juli | April 26, 2006 at 3:02 am
I’ve seen it. In fact, I’ve seen every episode up until now. As a Mormon (even a down-to-earth Mormon), I’m offended. There are things on that show that unless you’re Mormon (or polygamist, I guess), you won’t have any clue about (so why include them when they’re considered sacred???). If the people around me didn’t have a misconception about Mormonism before, they do now. While the “disclaimer” may exist, I’m now getting questions about how many wives my dad has, do I wear magic clothes, is every single Utahn a Mormon (NO!), if I’ve been brain washed, and if I can say a prayer on anything to make it bigger and better. Do I care about the show? No… but at least be accurate and make us out to be what we really are instead of freaks (while they polygamists are not Mormons, they are surrounded by what the director perceives to be Mormons). What irks me? LDS missionaries are not robots who literally write down the addresses of people who say “no” and then put them on a list of those going to hell. Not all of us insist on our neighbors being Mormon. Yes, we are allowed to associate with non-Members. Yes, we can shop at stores owned by non-Mormons. Etc., etc., etc. So why do I watch it? I need to know what my friends/acquaintances are referring to when they start questioning me. Besides me, “Big Love” is their first exposure to Mormonism. And people will believe anything they see on TV.
3.
Becca | April 26, 2006 at 2:19 pm
“I mean, who honestly believes that a show about polygamy is fascinating?”
Who *wouldn’t*?
Let’s see:
1. Men who want to make it with several women and not get beaten to a pulp by said women.
2. Women who wonder why other women would put up with this (that’s me).
3. Anyone who is fascinated by alternative lifestles (the Witness/Stranger Among Us crowd).
By the way, it’s a great show and no one I know associates it with mainstream Mormonism.
4.
Kimberly | April 30, 2006 at 11:17 pm
Pam, I’m sorry but I have to disagree on one comment you made. I don’t believe that someone has to see the show in order to make a decision about it. I haven’t seen the show, but I have read a lot of the news articles on it. Reading the many different comments on the show has provided, I believe, a pretty good idea of what the show contains. At the very least, I have a good understanding of people’s impressions of the show. In addition, I do not have to watch the show to know how disgusting and dangerous the practice of polygamy is. See last paragraph below.
I agree with Juli that the show seems obviously designed to be linked to the LDS or Mormon faith. If not, then why have it based in Utah? There are polygamists in many different states in the US. One of the most notorious groups has recently built a compound in Texas. I find it very annoying that so many people seem to insist on perpetuating the myth that these polygamists are “Mormon.” I can wake up tomorrow and say that I am Jewish, Catholic, or Latin American….but it doesn’t mean it is true. But, all of this really misses the most important problem with this show. The show ignores the reality of polygamy in a very dangerous and harmful way.
As you know, my father was a psychologist. He provided therapy to a woman who had grown up in the infamous Allred clan. These kinds of groups are often led by a man who claims to be a prophet, or even Jesus Christ (David Koresh- Branch Dividian- Waco style). They use religion to manipulate and control. Child abuse, and spouse abuse are rampant. Women are often forced to marry at a very young age (12-14) to someone not of their choosing. Sometimes to a close relative, such as an uncle. They are not allowed to leave. Those who have managed to escape such situations have to change their identity and go into hiding. The man will marry one woman legally. The other women do not work and rely on state funded welfare.
While I can understand peoples fascination with the show …I have to believe that if more people really understood what polygamists were all about….they would be disgusted. The show makes trivial a very disgusting and dangerous practice. This is the reason why I will not watch the show, and the reason that I will be writing HBO soon.
5.
Bella | May 26, 2006 at 3:08 am
I have seen the show and find it very intersting. I am a methodist and have always wondered about other reglions especially the way they were before that were modernized.
6.
BYU | July 4, 2007 at 10:53 pm
I am a member and I find the show very interesting because it shows my own mormon culture from the outside (for ex. how mechanized are our missionaries/members, with canned responses and agendas).
Don’t worry. It will not erode anything but those who are not well founded. Have fun with the show, it is hilarious sometimes. -F.