Observations From a New Local

I took a 3 1/2 hour walk today from my apartment, down to the Santa Monica Pier and all through Venice. My calves are killing me now but wow… there are some real characters out there.

1. Let it go ’cause it ain’t pretty.
I remember the 80s. Sometimes I even miss them. But some things were best left in the 80s, like tight jeans. When I say tight jeans I supposed I’m mainly offended by mean men wearing pants that look as though they’ve been painted on. I’ve bitched about the sagging jeans and how offensive I find them, but at least I didn’t see packages. Today, wandering along the boardwalk, was almost as though I was at the ballet and it wasn’t pretty. Super skinny and, more often than not, super short men whose legs look like lollipop sticks with Sideshow Bob shoes shooting out from the base. The best is when they try to sag with their suck-the-life-out-of-you-jeans while they’re skateboarding… now THAT was hilarious!

2. Pollsters and pundits hang with the homeless.
Who would’ve guessed that the homeless people in California are politically active? The homeless people in DC could’ve cared less about their rights or who was running the country. Of course DC has an incredibly large number of crazy homeless people, but still. I guess the hatred for George W. Bush touches everyone these days. SoCal’s homeless are loud and proud and they support Obama and Hillary, which makes me like them.

3. White people who have dreadlocks, I am talking to you.
I get that you wish it was 1968 instead of 2008. I also support the notion of ending the war. I respect that you want to eat healthy, except for those who are vegans and make it your personal mission to convert the world. But please stop trying to be a hippy and please please please stop trying to be black. Not washing your hair is unsanitary and does not make you a rasta. It is gross, it smells, and you look ridiculous. Especially that one large grandma in a hot pink velor track suit. And wear a bra.

4. Smoke comes in flavors???
I’ve never liked smoke. There’s just something ridiculous about setting a fire 3 inches from your face and then sucking into your body. But I feel as though I smoked an entire greenhouse of incense today and lots of it. I used to have a roommate who was frustrated that I couldn’t tell the difference between raspberry vanilla and citrus melon. It stunk and smelled like burning hair and ever since then, I’m sucked into a portal of bad memories when I’m around it. Every other vendor sells incense and despite being outdoors, it’s like going to an Aerosmith concert but without the cool music.

5. Circus people and Carnies aren’t friends.
Yes, there is an actual Freak Show on the boardwalk and they are eager to share what they’ve got. But I ask myself, “Why pay money to see a 2-headed animal? We had a 2-headed lamb in the college biology lab and gawking at that was free.” I’ll tell you what the freaky thing was: the 57 year-old man swallowing fire on the sidewalk trying to entice pedestrians to fork over $11 for the show. He was wearing multi-colored, skin tight, low-riding pants. And no shirt. The visual was stunning blinding. That pretty much sums it up.

6. Street art is pretty damn cool.
My great uncle was a well-known artist and was commissioned to paint murals and work on the occasional Hollywood film (in the 50s and 60s, so pre-CGI). Another uncle was also an artist as were several cousins. I’m not billing myself as a knowing critic but I appreciate art (except abstract because it mainly looks like garbage) and whenever I go on holiday, I always pick up an original watercolor or sketch. The folks on the boardwalk may look, dress, and act a bit odd, but they are talented. The art was pretty fantastic and I know I’ll be forking out some cash when I get some.

The dress code in DC was ‘Sunday Best’ and the color was black. Everyone was uptight. I’m learning to relax a little bit and that’s a good thing. I’m caring less about how fast I’m driving and learning to look around more. Yes, the world is different on the west coast… but I’m OK with that.