I Guess I’m Not That Memorable After All
Once upon a time (from June 2000 to September 2002), I had a boss who was not a happy camper. Like many men in DC, he suffered from Little Man Syndrome. I’ll fully admit that I could have and should have been a better, less antagonistic and caustic employee… but he really was a piece of work.
I was pretty spineless during that time of my life. Despite being twice his size and fully capable of physically crushing him, as well as having the mouth of a sailor and never one to shy away from telling someone where they could stick it, his presence was overpowering and I was doing pretty good just getting out of bed and showering. He was a screamer, a huge believer in negative reinforcement and has no issue with verbally abusing others. He also threw a book at me once. Granted it was only a phone book with those incredibly thin pages but it was a DC edition, so pretty thick. Thankfully he missed (I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he missed on purpose rather than attacking his “athletic prowess”).
I was so terrified of him that on 9/11, even after knowing that the city was under attack, I wouldn’t leave the legislative mark-up meeting in the Capitol Building. I told my completely freaked out intern, “He’d kill me if I left without getting the information.” I was more afraid of him than dying by the hands of terrorists. No wonder I was in therapy at the time.
Flash forward to Saturday, which was the city of Alexandria’s 260th birthday. I’m a big fan of history and parties, so I joined the celebration by attending a BBQ with former co-workers. These are my poker buddy peeps who still work at the former place of employment with Crazy as their boss. The office is located on the bank of the Potomac River and has a grandiose balcony, providing a perfect view of the fireworks and the Marine Corps Band.
I hadn’t been to the office in years, so I was wandering around and who should I run across at 8 pm on a Saturday night? Yup, Mr. Shorty. I was polite, smiled, and razzed him about being a Palin-loving Republican… he just looked at me with a blank stare. There was a brief moment of recognition which was immediately dismissed as he went back to his work (on a Saturday night, mind you).
Then it dawned on me… he didn’t have a clue who I was. This man, who I allowed to torture/abuse me for 2 years and still allow it at times to affect me, had no idea who the woman standing in his office could possibly be. I find this a little surprising since there’s still a photo of me gracing the main entrance, but whatever. I decided to let it go. Why bother remembering the nasty things he said to me when I’m not even a blip on his radar?
I’m actually glad to know I’m not worth remembering… there’s some freedom and liberation in that. And today I feel great.
Wow.
I’m glad you’re allowing that to be a comment on him, and not on you. I don’t think you’re unmemorable. I think he’s an abusive asshole and obviously one who doesn’t give a damn about human beings.
Pretty much. I would be hard-pressed to find someone who’d disagree with you.
(I mean…he threw a phone book at you??) I’m so glad you managed to get actual evidence of what a good idea it was to let all that go.
Yes, and thank you. It’s a huge relief to finally let go. Waaaay too much emotional baggage that’s finally been removed. Phew!
You were a bigger person than I would have been. I don’t think I would have been able to help myself but remind him (in front of anybody who would listen) about the verbal and physical abuse. Then I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from making fun of everything from his height, his personality, and Palin’s diminishing career.
I didn’t have the fire in me on Saturday. I was just shocked to see him working on a Saturday night. No point in reminding him what a total d-bag he is… I’m pretty sure he knows but just doesn’t care.
Always remember when people upset you, to try to let it go as soon as possible. Chances are they already forgot about it and you end up only hurting yourself. -says the vengeful Italian/Irish vendetta holder.
It was a lesson well learned. No point in beating myself up over some twink’s insensitive comments.
I finally remembered to add you as a link!
Yeah!
When you say short, how short??
Um… about 5′5″.
Well…I’ve got two inches on the little midget…
Yeah!
Judging by the way you describe him, his “not remembering” you is not really a surprise…
No, it’s not. But still… the photo in the lobby reminds him of me every day.
But, that is a tough town and it has probably gotten a little tougher for him in the last seven months.
I doubt it. He works for bankruptcy lawyers and judges and baby, that business is booming!
you should have farted in his office while he momentarily stepped out — not that it would make him remember you (!) but just to ripen it up a bit for kicks.
Fart? Me? Please.
Why stop at farting? Next time (if there ever is such a thing) carry a couple of rolls of toilet paper and TP the place.
What is with my family and toilet humor?
I particularly disliked the bullying, foul-mouther drill instructor we had at Basic Training. I met him again about five years later … and I had more stuff on my arm than he had!
Moral: ‘Be nice! The toes you tread on today may belong with the butt you have to kiss tomorrow’
Well, the particular person would rather die than kiss my butt and since we don’t run in the same circles, he won’t ever have to do that… and I’m grateful.
My friend had such a bad boss that after she quit her job, she stayed late so she could go in the boss’s office alone and do a happy dance.
After months of verbal abuse and threats, I had a boss who gave me a hug on my last day. It wasn’t comfortable and I took a long shower when I got home.
Bastard! Threw a phone book at you… really? Yes. I wasn’t the first person he tossed things at, either. And I’m not asking because I don’t believe you, it’s that I’m shocked at his lack of self-control (so he could control other people but not himself) and people skills (lack thereof, really). What self-control? I’ve never heard of a job that doesn’t require both. I’m actually a little surprised that he’s still employed there… employed at all. Glad you were able to hurdle his horribleness over the weekend. He’s THE man. Of course he’s still employed there… he hand picks the Board of Directors.
Working in the car business, I see quite a bit of the “Napoleon Complex” run amok in my daily life. You were so right to read the situation as one of his faults and not yours. Assholes like this serve a purpose in the workforce…what that purpose is, half the time I have no idea…. You are definitely memorable my friend…I still remember the first time I read your blog and almost ruined a perfectly good keyboard because I spilled my coffee from laughing so much.
Did the coffee come out your nose? ‘Cause that would make it totally worth purchasing a new keyboard.
First off all you’ve already learned the most important lesson which is that people with the actual personality disorder are the ones with the problem. They just do a damned good job of making everyone else miserable.
I whole-heartedly agree.
The behavior you describe certainly fits a Napoleonic Complex and likely represents a dramatic amount of insecurity. That could relate to everything from his bank account (he’s a Republican after all) to his penis (he’s a Republican after all) to his occupational abilities.
You’re terrible. I love it.
The fact that he couldn’t remember you ordinarily would not strike a chord with me as you DC types likely meet tons of people every day…however…the fact that your photo graces the doorway and he tried to thump you with the nearest printed medium changes that. I’d never forget a face that I launched a projectile at. It goes without saying that only a neanderthal would throw things in the workplace but then again you’ve not painted a picture of an otherwise modern, sophisticated biped (he’s a Republican after all).
I once had a very satisfying last day at work where I got to curse out what I thought was the grand daddy of all asshole bosses. Sounds like yours was worse, but mine was a close runner-up. It just felt so good to point my finger right in his face (by the way, I’m about 5′6″–but no Republican Napoleon Complex here–and this guy was well over 6 feet). I didn’t see size at the time, just red. I laid into the guy and let him have it, then tossed something on the floor at his feet and stormed out. It takes a lot to get me that worked up, but I’d been saving that up for months.
I found out later that was the catalyst to a massive walk-out a few days later and he lost 6 people because they couldn’t take working with him anymore. Nice to know I could do my part.
I told a different boss that she was too nosy and demanding and that as long as she insisted on knowing personal information about my life, I would continue to shut her out. She broke down and told me that at her previous job she was fired for the same behavior.