Calling All the Singles Ladies
Let me first say that I really don’t like Brad Pitt in all his self-righteousness and I can’t believe the legitimate media continues to give him air time. Plus his goatee looks very homeless vagabond and for someone who has $50 billion dollars, you’d think he could purchase a decent razor. Phew. That just needed to be said.
Now to the meat of today’s topic. Despite previous rips on myself and contrary to popular belief by a few people from my past, I am not a pathetic person. Uptight? Every so often. Impatient? Definitely when I’m driving. A gym rat? I’m trying. A blanket stealer? That’s what I’ve been told. Independent? You know it. Sad? Sometimes. Lonely? More than I’d like to admit.
Well fellow single ladies, we don’t have to be lonely anymore as now there is something to comfort us in the wee hours. Just don’t turn over in the middle of the night, especially if you have night terrors. Thanks for my friends at In Rare Form, I’ve become aware of a girl’s newest boyfriend/husband replacement. It’s the Hug-Me Pillow.
This lovely product has been drastically reduced for early Christmas shoppers from a lofty $44.95 to a more manageable $20.97. What do you get for this bargain basement price?
* “The perfect snuggling companion, the Hug Me pillow provides comfort as well as piece (sic) of mind.” (a REAL man would be the perfect snuggling companion and as for peace of mind, a house alarm or even a guard dog would work)
* It’s a pillow made to look like one half of a man’s torso (so if you’re into gory slasher flicks, this is the guy for you)
* The shirt material resembles a prison uniform (what self-respecting woman doesn’t wish for an ex-con to be her main squeeze?)
* The hand looks double-jointed and weird (and I think it’s copping a feel in the below photo)
* Pillow is dry clean only (how to you explain your “boyfriend/husband” to your dry cleaner?)
One of the actual reviews said:
“I bought this pillow to keep my company on nights when my husband, a correspondent for the Trans-Alaskan News Network, was out of town. The pillow exceeded even my wildest expectations. I’m told the pillow was modeled after Brad Pitt, and I believe it! When I first nestled against the soft, but firm chest of my new “husband” I slept better than I ever had before. Now I don’t mind when my husband goes out of town!”
I’m not THAT lonely or pathetic. And I despise Brad Pitt.
Are you dissin’ my man, Brad Pitt? I’ll get over that long enough to be a little mortified at this creepy pillow… er, man-substitute… er, whatever it is. As much as I love Brad Pitt (in all my pathetic-ness), I don’t want half of his torso in bed with me… or anywhere else, for that matter.
I sure am. For someone who’s such a “family man” he sure did it in a dishonest way. I despise actors who jump into the political arena when it’s convenient for them. I’ll admit that the first time I saw him (in Thelma and Louise) I cried a little. He’s not pretty anymore, though.
I’d say you need to make it pass gas and grope you randomly to be more realistic, personally. And since I see that testimonial, I should write the company and insist on it. I don’t need that soft-but-firm artificial competition, damn it!
Random groping? I’m pretty sure it’s NEVER random. But the passing gas portion… I could do without that. The company is trying to create the ideal substitute so farting is not allowed.
WOW! And I thought women couldn’t possibly get any more complicated!! So, would that be a GOOD gift to give a woman, or a really BAD one? I’m guessing BAD!!
It does say on the website, “Now you can stop looking for a white elephant gift!” I imagine it’s pretty funny at work parties but not so much at bridal showers.
Miss,
Please pardon my intrusion. This may be somewhat of a surprise coming from an all American manly mans’ man. But… candidly I must admit to my dismay and with some trepidation that I am captivated by your blog! There I’ve said it! I’m not sure that I feel better but I do feel lighter:) Perhaps the poet in me loves reading an intelligent, well spoken, grammatically correct womans’ perspective on life. Whatever the reason, thank you…This may be the last time you ever hear from me, but rest assured I’m still reading. Pardon me too if I do not pass this website on to my friends. It is nothing personal. I hope you understand.
Trapped:
I’m not the least bit hurt that you won’t be passing along my url to your friends; I know you want me all to yourself. You’re marking your territory… I get it.
Believe me, this blog is full of a woman’s insight into life and what not. I don’t know you so I’m not sure how much about women you know. Whatever your level of expertise, I’m sure it will increase through frequent visitations. I hope you see you around often.
Kindest regards,
I was first going to mention how good of an idea I thought that this was… then that second photo made it seem kind of sad. She doesn’t look particularly happy, comfortable or snuggled.
Sorry… I tried to like it.
Why would you try to like it? I don’t like it AT ALL. In fact, it somewhat frightens me. Your MiL might like it, though.
Hey’ do you know what ‘Brad Pitt’ means in Cockney rhyming slang?
(eg ‘I’m going for a Brad Pitt’)
Sadly I can’t understand the Cockney accent at all but the word Cockney itself is a bit on the naughty side.
Okay Miss,
I’m back …Sorry I have commitment issues, I can’t stick to anything too long. Anyway I’ve had several hits from your site to mine today, so I decided to thoroughly investigate to see if in fact you might be a poetry critic or closet poet. At this point, that does not appear to be the case. It does appear however that the two of us have something in common. I too earned my Masters (MHS) from Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Medicine JHSPH. I noticed as I was looking at your pictures the school in question. (sort of; I admit to lurking) With that being said, and based on our mutual congruence regarding writing, perhaps the school fosters a writers’ mentality. I know that I seriously satisfied the Gordon rule 1,000 times over while there. Good evening to you.
Again my kindest regards.
Once upon a time I wrote a few poems but it’s been at least 20 years. I was published the first time, however, when I was 13 (short story) and I was a journalist for quite some time. So we do have the writing thing in common as well as the JHU connection (I went to class at the DC campus). I’ll have to lurk a little on your site to see what I can learn about you.
Haaa!
Love it. We need to invent the woman version. OK, on second thought perhaps not.
Believe me… men don’t need another toy.
About Brad – can’t see what others see in the man. Even if he buys a suit it won’t make a difference. He and 3-4 of those other actors all look the same to me. Plus, isn’t he short? Major turn off, at least for Amazon women.
I have no idea how tall he is; I just know he looks like he needs a bath.
So, after all this – are you at least going to buy it for a conversation piece?
Um that would be a big fat no. Although I might purchase it for the office Christmas party as a white elephant gift (we’re all women except one man).
Ha! This seriously made my day…
Did I inspire you to make a purchase???
This was going to be your Christmas present but I guess I have to send it back now.
Don’t you dare!!!
That’s hilarious! It totally needs a let so you can use it as a body pillow… not that I would–it is pretty creepy.
That would be like snuggling with half a body… YUK. I think it would cause psychological damage, don’t you?
Ha, I meant “leg”
I got it. No worries.
What the deuce? That pillow is creepy, scary, and weird but it doesn’t come close to the weirdness of the ad innuendo. I feel sickish.
Maybe you actually feel jealous… a synthetic half-man torso gives the comfort of sleeping next to Brad Pitt. How does your wife feel about that?
What makes it hilarious is that the person who reviewed it. It exceeded her wildest expectations! Really!?
Can you have expectations with something like this? I think I’d use it as a weapon against burglars. Then and only then might it exceed my expectations.
That’s just about 6 different kinds of disturbing.
You’re just jealous. I also bet you’re wondering if they make a female version.
Hey, I don’t require my girls to be among the living, but I DO require them to be whole. Otherwise, it’s just sick and weird.
I really don’t have a response for that. Well, I do but it asks a questions I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know the answer to.