Ridiculous Expectations = Ridiculous Results
I’ve been snow-bound before. Three years ago, DC got hit with a monster blizzard and I was trapped in my condo for almost a week. Since I didn’t know my neighbors and none of my friends lived within walking distance, I was alone and did I mention that I was without heat? It was super fun.
But that was then. Now there was an invitation for a ski trip to the Poconos extended for the long weekend. I had never been to the Poconos. I have been skiing… on “The Greatest Snow on Earth”, I might add. So the prospect of skiing on man-made snow wasn’t what tempted me to accept the invitation.
First off, while I have been skiing I really don’t like to ski. It’s expensive and if you stink (like I do), you tend to fall down. A lot. I fall down without having my feet trapped to slick pieces of plastic so already I’m wondering what the attraction to this trip was.
Did I mention I’m not a fan of being cold? Well, I’m not. In the winter I love nothing more than to put on sweat pants or my warm pajamas with furry socks as soon as I get home from work. Saturday’s high in Pennsylvania was 9 degrees with the wind chill factor it was 14 below. So the inability to ski and freezing temperatures. Again with the poor insight on “fun.”
So what was the draw for me? Was it the thought of sharing a room with a hard bed and a flat pillow with a snoring stranger? No, that wasn’t it. Or the crazy hours people kept: some went to bed at 3 am while others woke up at 6, and NONE were quiet about it? I’m pretty sure that just made me crabby. How about the never-ending backbiting between women who were jealous that one of the guys was flirting with someone who wasn’t them? Because that got old after 2 minutes.
The constant discussion of how Tim Tebow is a fantastic example of whatever to the world and that he’s the greatest quarterback of all time? Ugh. Women doing all the cooking and the cleaning while all the guys did was eat, belch and watch football and then the premier of the Napoleon Dynamite cartoon? You realize this is 2012 and not 1955, right?
On the plus side, let’s see: Hot tub? I can do that. Plethora of oranges, a variety of cheeses, and a 5 lb. bag of peanut M&Ms? Now we’re talking!
I suppose I went on the trip with ridiculous expectations of achieving high school sorority status. Over the past few years I’ve had several friends tell me that I’m not doing everything I should to be more social and to “get out there” in order to snag me a husband. So when the Poconos ski trip invitation came along, I thought if nothing else I could at least make some friends. I like having friends.
This weekend reinforced a few things I already knew but didn’t want to admit. I suppose I’m not a social creature and am more comfortable in a small and intimate group setting where I am the center of attention rather than awkwardly standing on the outside and being invisible. This trip also made me realize that vacationing is difficult with people you actually like, much less 14 strangers you want to kick.
I can’t believe I’m now that crabby old person I never wanted to become. Fantastic. I had such high expectations for myself in 2012 and being positive was on top of the list. So much for being perfect.
But the most important lesson of all: this trip taught me to always bring at least three trashy romance novels when going on a winter getaway. Those might be the only legitimate and satisfying entertainment you get in three days.
Looks like I’m going skiing for the first time ever this year. I’m afraid. Very afraid.
Take lessons. And when I say take lessons, I mean pay a professional to teach you. Do NOT rely on a friend to teach you. They will say, “When something gets in your way, turn” and then ski away and leave you stranded. You will fall over, throw up and cause the lift to stop working because you almost broke your leg getting off. True story.
“It’s expensive and if you stink (like I do), you tend to fall down. A lot.”–This is exactly why I’ve put off trying it out for 30 years.
But it could be fun!
I love watching World Cup Skiing but am acutely aware I am unable to participate in such activity. I. Would. Die. Even being a decent athlete back in the day. Nope, I will live vicariously through those people…and you, apparently.
Oh don’t do that. I would strongly advise NOT living through me. You will be bored. And a little depressed.
My Commonwealth of Pennsylvania apologizes for the first spell of Winter we’ve had all Winter, which unfortunately was in sync with your trip. Believe me, if you had come here any sooner you’d have been sliding down the slopes in a bikini over a field full of lilies.
My outfit for the day I went on a 30-minute walk: Ski-running lycra pants; tights, furry socks, sweat pants; long-sleeve t-shirt; hoodie, ski jacket, scarf, gloves and hat. I looked like a Weeble-Wobble but I was warm.
2012 just started. Stay positive and think young, non-crab-like thoughts. I will if you will!
Trying to be positive. Wasn’t exactly a happy camper this morning but maybe after lunch my attitude will change into sunshine.
Forget this downhill stuff … that’s for wallies and posers. Try real (i.e. Nordic) ski-ing!
Is that the same thing as cross-country skiing? Because I’ve done that and man… it is a work out!
You can wear what you like, the gear’s much cheaper and you can do it anywhere there’s snow.
How is the gear cheaper? Aren’t all ski’s the same price?
I want to go skiing soooo bad! Both water and snow, but I’ve never been able to do either one. My family used to go water skiing at the lake all the time when I was a kid, but I was way too young to do it. Now that I’m older and super eager, the rest of them are much older and not so eager.
Ahhh… water skiing. The only bad thing is when you accidentally give yourself an enema or when the top of you suit comes off in a spectacular crash. You really should go water skiing. Someone you know owns a boat.
I can’t get these lazy bastards to leave the house to do anything.
That can’t be true. What about the early bird special at the Golden Corral? I bet they’d go there with you.
And the only way I’m going snow skiing is if I move far, far away from here because we just don’t get snow. Maybe I can talk some of my friends into doing something sometime.
No need to move. There’s skiing in Pennsylvania. Take a weekend trip. Or take more time and fly out to either Utah or Colorado. I think it’s time you cracked out a suitcase.
(Aren’t all ski’s the same price?)
No; skinny skis are way cheaper than the full-on downhill racer stuff. So are the boots … in fact, some bindings allow you to wear regular hiking boots. Also, you can get away with the kind of clothing you’d wear anyway. In Cyprus, we often skied in old uniforms and issue fishtail parkas.
You have had the most amazing life experiences I have ever heard. Is there anything you haven’t done? Seriously? What’s left on your list of things to do?
( Is there anything you haven’t done? Seriously? What’s left on your list of things to do?)
Well, I can’t swim very well, so I don’t do any kind of water sports; I WON’T parachute or bungy jump.
What I’d like to be able to do is ride without relying on 100% co-operation from the horse, and to play a musical instrument and sing really well.